It’s about eight in the evening. My whole world just came crashing down. My chest is tight, and my heart is rushing as my anger is continuing to rise. My face is wet with a mixture of sweat and tears. I start slamming my fist down on the ottoman that I’m sitting on. Why do I keep doing this? Why do I keep doing the things I don’t want to do? I don’t mean to hurt people. I don’t want to ruin my life and destroy the world that’s around me…so why? Am I really this broken? Do I really have these massive problems? Why am I always fighting myself? Why must I be my worst enemy?
It was a moment that I wish would have never happened. But, it happened, and it still begs the question, “why do I do the things I don’t want to do?” The real question I was asking is, “Am I defective?” I think it’s a common thing to ask whenever someone continually struggles with sin. I mean, we know what we are doing is wrong, yet we keep doing it.
Just this morning, I heard Dear Godby Hunter Hayes. I was riding in the car when it came on and I almost skipped it. One, I’m not a huge Hunter Hayes fan and two, I usually don’t like the country songs that give a false view of my Savior. However, for some reason, I decided to listen to it. It’s a great song. There are false views of God within the song (which I hope to discuss in this post) but it’s such a real moment. I’ve had the moment more than once in my life, one being recounted at the beginning of this post. Take a moment and review the lyrics below. I want to address some of them.
Here I go again
Three glasses in, counting my sins
Home alone again
Three in the morning, just me and my demons at war again
So I’m calling
Are you listening?
You made a man this fragile
You made a heart that can break
You showed me the road less traveled
For when I’m gonna run away
You made me love so hard
When everything I love just leaves
Are you sure there’s nothing wrong with me?
And why does my life have to hurt so much?
Why can’t I find any piece of love?
And why do I feel like I’m not enough?
Dear God, are you sure that you don’t mess up?
You still call it praying
All that I do is siting here cursing
Cursing your name again
The truth is it’s not even you
It’s just me that I’m up against
But you made me this
Can we share the blame for this? Mmm
‘Cause after all, you made a man this fragile
You made a heart that can break
You showed me the road less traveled
For when I’m gonna run away
You made me love so hard
When everything I love just leaves
Are you sure there’s nothing wrong with me?
‘Cause why does my life have to hurt so much?
Why can’t I find any piece of love?
And why do I feel like I’m not enough?
Dear God, are you sure that you don’t, that you don’t mess up?
You don’t mess up
I know you don’t mess up
I know that you don’t mess up
I know this ain’t for nothing
There’s nothing you don’t make
I know you got your reasons
This s***’s just hard to take
I don’t mean to criticize
I know I’m hard to teach
I know you tell me there’s nothing wrong with me
Yeah but why does my life have to hurt so much?
And why can’t I find any piece of love?
And why do I feel like I’m not enough?
Dear God, are you sure that you don’t, that you don’t mess up?
You don’t mess up
I know you don’t mess up, yeah
Dear God, just remind me you don’t mess up
There are a lot of things I’d like to address in this song, but I won’t get to all of them. It’s a beautiful rendition of what it feels like to struggle with
Let’s start with the premise, “Dear God, are you sure that you don’t mess up?” Hunter Hayes actually gives the correct answer in his statement, “I know you don’t mess up.” In his question, he is considering that God messed up whenever He created Hunter. In a time of sin, don’t we see ourselves as worthless, wretched? I know I do. And this leads to a very low view of ourselves, almost like God messed up whenever He created us. It can certainly feel that way. But what do we know?
You are valuable. You were created in the image of God (Gen. 1:27). You are knit together in your mother’s womb by God Himself (Psalm 139:13). God knows everything about you including the number of hairs on your head (Psalm 139:4). You were fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). You have been crowned with glory and honor, given dominion over the creation on earth (Gen. 1:26, Psalm 8:5). As
God doesn’t mess up. But, we do. Let’s look at what we know. While mankind was created good, loved, and in the image of God, we have tarnished that image and goodness whenever we traded the truth of God for a lie (Rom. 1:25; Gen. 3). We decided, and continually decide, to worship the creation rather than the Creator. The penalty for this is death (Rom. 6:23; Gen. 2:17). What you and I deserve for this is judgment (Rom. 3; Gen. 3). You see, God doesn’t mess up, but we certainly do. This isn’t because we are created poorly, but because we love ourselves and our desires more than God. The love, Hunter Hayes mentions, is not absent on God’s part but on ours.
In fact, God’s love is shown fully in His sacrifice for us (John 3:16; Phil. 2:5-8). Through the death of God’s unique son on the cross, we have been made right with Him, by grace through faith (Eph. 2:7-8). If we believe in Jesus Christ, we shall be made into a new creation (2 Cor. 5:17), adopted into God’s family (Eph. 1:5), and loved with a perfect love (1 John 3:1). This new birth we experience in salvation (1 Pet. 1:3) frees us from the hold of sin (Rom. 6:11; Eph. 2:4-5). This is why God can tell us, “…there’s nothing wrong with me” as mentioned in Hunter Hayes’ song. By grace, through faith, we are declared righteous. We are justified before God. Our sins are taken away and Jesus’ perfection is given to us. We are holy before a holy God. God doesn’t mess up. He created mankind as good, sinless. Man messed that up. God fixed it. God doesn’t only “not mess up” but through His grace, He fixes our mess ups. God is good, gracious, merciful. It is our reasonable or rational act of worship to offer our lives to Him (Rom. 12:1). We should live for God. We should live according to our identity as children of God. This would look like a life without sin. It’s whenever we live contrary to our identity that we seem to have an identity crisis like found in Dear God.
However, oddly, I find some comfort knowing that even Paul the Apostle had times like the one mentioned at the beginning of this post. Romans 7:14-25 records Paul’s reality. He concludes with, “Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!” (Rom. 7:24-25a). God doesn’t mess up, He tends to fix our mess ups. However, we still see the consequences of our actions.
Our life hurts so much because we sin against the Lord, living contrary to who we are in Christ. But thanks be to God for His grace, love, and mercy on me. I have been freed from sin and have the ability and power to live a holy life (John 14:7; 15:5; Rom. 5:5). I live
